Top Gear: The Pony Special
by presidentuziel
Summary: Within the Top Gear studios, Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond have a special film to show their studio audience and to their viewers at home of their recent competition. Have the Top Gear Three met their match in speed, or will they best the fastest pegasus in Equestria? Co-Written by SoulGamerLegacy
1. The Track and the Drag

The show started like any other, the familiar notes of the Allman Brothers song playing as Jeremy Clarkson gave his unique exposition.

"Tonight: James gets blown away, I have a heart attack, and we find out who's better, the Stig or the Pony." The scene changing from both May and Clarkson being pushed over by powerful winds, to the three hosts looking shocked and appalled with Jeremy clutching at his chest, to finally showing the Stig next to a black 2010 Murcielago.

After the opening credits, the view pans over the audience applauding, going in to show the three hosts on the platform, Jeremy Clarkson and James May. May was standing there, smiling with his arms behind his back while Clarkson gave a wave to everyone. Soon, the applause died down, and the two turned to the camera.

"Right," Clarkson started, "Welcome! We have a very special film for you tonight. Now as you may know, we measure a car's capabilities with foot-pounds, speed, and just as importantly, pooowerrr."

"Recently, our producers were contacted by some royals who've taken notice of our show. After the initial shock, the two groups came up with the idea to see which was better: Horsepower or Ponypower."

"Are we really doing this?" James asked.

"How hard can it be?"

The roar of the engine cuts through the air, the black car speeding across the open track. The scene shifts to show Richard Hammond behind the wheel, grinning madly as he's driving

"The 2010 Lamborghini Murcielago LP640. Combining supercar handling with it's 631-horsepower V12 engine, it can go zero to sixty two in 3.4 seconds." He says with glee. "And with the Stig behind the wheel, it's the perfect car to use in today's competition."

The Italian car continued it's way around the Top Gear Track, the engine being pushed for all it's worth. Soon, though, it slid into a stop, the door opening upwards to show the driver.

"Though, what else can we say about it that we haven't already before?" Hammond asked, unbuckling himself and stepping out the car. "What we don't know much about though, is our rival."

"She's brash, she's boastful," He says as he walks away from the car, "And she's a pony."

A cyan pony with rainbow colored mane and tail fluttered down from the sky landing next to Richard, who was still looking at the camera.

"A pegasus pony, to be precise, and her name is Rainbow Dash." he continues as the pegasus strikes a pose for the camera. "I swear the producers have run out of ideas."

"Pff, I'm the best idea your 'producers' have ever had!" Rainbow Dash declared.

"Really, I don't know much about these ponies, other than that Miss Dash here is one of three pony races, that of the Pegasi. The other two being Unicorns and Earth ponies." He motioned at the pegasus, "As you can see, They're extremely short, only barely coming up past even my waist. We're told that, numerous times now, that Miss Dash is the fastest pegasus alive."

"I'm the fastest [i]thing[/i] alive!" the pony corrected him as James walked up to the two.

"Well today, we're not only going to see if that's true, but we'll also be putting both you and the Stig through a series of different challenges. Seeing as how you are the challenger, we, that is Jeremy, Richard, and myself, will come up with the five challenges. The first is a timed lap around our track, and team Top Gear is up first." May said.

"Which means," Jeremy said as he walked into the shot, "we need to turn the Murcielago over to our tame racing driver."

"Whoever that is better be prepared to eat my dust!" the pegasus said as she started to hover, a smug smile on her face.

"Some say that he is the seventh Element of Harmony, and he claims to be a Brony, whatever that means. All we know is, he's called the Stig!"

The Stig took off to a fantastic start, tires catching quickly on the tarmac, with Jeremy narrating his progress.

"Here comes Chicago, looks a little wide, but he pulls through smoothly."

Inside the car, the sounds of music could be heard over the sound of the engine.

"Well this is a change."

The Stig shifted down as he went into hammerhead, gently feeding power as he went around the corner, opening up the throttle as he came out of it.

"Did that song really say 'crack up at the creepy'?"

The Murcielago lifted slightly off the ground as it went into the follow through.

"I did not know they made a song about laughing at Captain Slow."

Soon, the car went into Bacharach, the second-to-last corner, quickly turning into Gambon.

"And he's crossed the finish line!"

The three men and the pony were standing beside the finish line, James stopping the watch as the Murcielago crossed the line.

"One minute, nineteen point five." He said, reading off the result.

"Isn't that faster than the last time we last time we had the Lamborghini on the track?" Hammond asked

"I believe so."

"Okay Miss Dash, it's your turn. Do you need to review the track layout or are you confident that you can remember it?" Hammond asked the pegasus.

"I coulda finished that before you finished talking about it," Rainbow Dash informed him, trotting over to the start line.

"On your mark!" James yelled, readying his stopwatch.

"Get set!" A labcoat wearing technician raised the flag up as Rainbow Dash opened up her wings, leaning forward.

"GO!" The tech dropped the flag as May started the watch.

Rainbow Dash took off, leaving only a gust of wind in her wake. The three hosts turned their heads as quick as they could to keep up with her takeoff.

"Oh cock."

"That was pretty fast."

"Told ya!" The pegasus said, sitting on the starting line. James, Jeremy and Richard turned to see her smiling. James, realizing she'd completed the track, quickly fumbled to stop the timer and read the time.

"Well? How'd I do?"

"Eight seconds."

"What?!" Hammond and Clarkson both yelled.

"Well, that's what I have on the watch, but since I wasn't able to stop it in time, I'd say more like five seconds or so."

"WOOHOO!" Dash cheered, jumping into the air and doing a few aerial tricks.

"I'm going to take a look at the slow motion." Jeremy stated, making his way to the cameraman.

"Now that Clarkson has checked and rechecked the footage, had the cameramen triple check their equipment, and had a nice conversation-"

"I STILL SAY THAT WAS BOLLOCKS!" Jeremy yelled from outside the camera's view

"- with the producers, it has been confirmed that Miss Dash completed our Top Gear Track in five point eight seconds." Hammond said as he looked at the camera.

"Our next event..." He continued, visibly grimacing, "...is the quartermile drag race."

Rainbow Dash was standing at the start line, looking over at the sports car. The Stig revved the engine, impatiently waiting for the technician to drop the flag to start the race.

A man in a lab coat walked onto the track, standing in front of the two competitors. He took the checkered flag and raised it up. The tension slowly filled the air, the Stig tightening his grip on his steering wheel. Rainbow Dash was strangely calm, humming a tune and smiling.

The flag dropped, the Murcielago pulling out in a cloud of smoke. As the smoke cleared, Rainbow Dash was still standing at the starting line, still smiling as she waved the smoke out of her face.

"What is she doing?" Jeremy asked, scratching the back of his head.

When the Stig had reached the halfway point, Rainbow Dash stretched her neck and wings, lazily taking to the air and speeding off, reaching the car quick and easily. The Stig briefly turned his head to see the pegasus, who waved before pulling ahead, crossing over the finish line a split second before the LP640 did.

Jeremy dropped his arm to his side before turning to his two cohosts.

"Right, gentlemen, I think it's time we had a chat."


	2. The Drift

The three men sat at a picnic table, slowly and silently eating their lunch of burgers and chips. Off in the distance, the Stig could be seen standing by the Murcielago, arms crossed and not moving. Rainbow Dash, though, was trying her best to get a reaction out of the tame racing driver.

"We're getting trounced," Hammond said between bites, breaking the silence. "A blue pony is beating us."

The other two nodded their heads.

"How?"

Jeremy dropped the fried potato piece he had just picked up, and grabbed a napkin.

"That in itself is an interesting story." the tall man said. "During my conversation with the producers-"

"Conversation? I thought it was a yelling match." James interjected

"-and they told me why they set up this contest. Apparently, their rulers took an interest in our quirky car programme." Clarkson said.

"What, their Queen watches the show? I thought we were listed under trash telly." said Hammond.

"Princesses, actually. Two of them. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, rulers of Equestria."

"Is their castle in Ponyville?" James asked sarcastically.

"Canterlot. But there is a Ponyville, which is where Miss Dash is from."

James groaned at the puns, covering his face with his free hand.

"Anyways, they love the show, and got in touch. Our producers first thought it was a prank. I mean, really, talking ponies?"

"We got our second Stig from the Stig farm, and the third as a baby in the manger." Hammond countered.

"But after Princess Celestia literally popped into the Top Gear offices did they finally believe it. They wanted to give our show the honors of announcing to the world their existence."

"But that doesn't explain how we're being beaten by a pony."

"The Princesses selected her as their champion, to see how well she could compare to a car driven by the Stig."

"Well she's doing a right good job of beating him." James said.

"Which is why I think we should stop focusing on speed, and turn to our usual tactics in situations like this. We cheat."

"What, like with the Australians and the Germans?" Hammond said, smiling. "Oh I'm liking this."

"Welcome back. After a meeting of the minds, we are ready to continue with our competition." Hammond said, smiling like a madman. "Our next event is to see how much drift smoke each contestant can make while doing donuts. They'll have thirty seconds to create their smoke cloud."

Clarkson and May are sitting down at a hastily set up card table, several laminated sheets placed in front of them.

"Over there, we have our panel of non-biased judges ready to give out a fair score for their performance. Now, since Rainbow Dash is currently in the lead with 2 points, the Stig will go first."

"Drift smoke? What's that?" Rainbow Dash asked Richard, flying next to him.

"Well, to put it simply, it's the smoke that comes from the tires when they rotate fast enough, the friction between the wheel and the tarmac being hot enough to produce it."

"Tire smoke? I can't do tire smoke, but if it's smoke you want, it's smoke you'll get." the pegasus mumbled, walking off camera.

Richard's face grew somber, hearing her.

"I don't like that."

The Murcielago whipped to the right as soon as the air horn sounded, quickly sending smoke into the air, obscuring it. Soon, the only way you knew it was there was brief glimpses of it and the roar of the engine. When the air horn sounded off to mark the end of the thirty seconds, there was a cloud the size of a small house was the Stig's accomplishment. While the air cleared, the two judges spoke with their heads huddled together. While they did that, the Stig drove the car off the track to the nearby garage to be looked over for the next challenge.

After a few seconds of deliberation, they both searched for the cards they wanted, and lifted them above their heads. Jeremy awarded the Stig nine points, where James gave seven.

"If that's what they gave that strange human for such a small cloud, then they should be really impressed with what I'm about to do." Rainbow Dash said, walking to the center of the recently made skid marks.

As Richard lifted the air horn into the air, Rainbow Dash crouched low to the ground, her wings unfurled and pointed at the sky. She narrowed her eyes, watching Hammond's finger tense over the button.

A full minute of silence went by.

"Oh come on!" Rainbow Dash yelled, coming out of her starting position.

Hammond then pressed the button, signaling the start.

"Oh horseapples!"

She shot straight into the air, the eyes of the cast and crew following her until they couldn't see the cyan pegasus in the sky.

"I think she just forfeited this challenge." Richard said, looking to the clear sky looking for her as he made his way to the judges table.

"Do either of you see her?"

"I think I might need some binoculars to even try to find her." Jeremy answered.

The seconds ticked by.

"Do you hear something?" James asked, looking to his two friends.

A whistling sound was approaching, louder and louder. Richard, James, and Jeremy looked at each other, and back to the sky, catching a blue spec approaching fast.

The next few seconds were complete chaos. The blue streak hit the tarmac at the same moment a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud erupted where it landed, it's blast wave spreading out. Camera's jerked about, ripped from the hands of the cameramen. They kept recording as they went into the air, catching glimpses of the effects of the explosion. The hosts and staff were knocked backwards, the table, scorecards and debris flying through the air away from the growing cloud.

The cameras cut out and went to static.

We are experiencing technical difficulties  
We apologize for the inconvenience


End file.
